Contemplations

A complete list of all my musings, thoughts and contemplations. All under the belief of Canilloiscm.

Watch as my viewpoints shift slightly, world widens, and problems differ.

Can you tell my mental state from how I write?

THOUGHT ONE
Suffering
It's inevitable... For most, suffering is a curse that never leaves, for others, its a force worth forgetting, a burden best ignored — for most, suffering is a dread. But what if, what if for only a moment we suspend our believes and ascertain a new paradigm. One that supports rather than hinders, one that pushes rather than pulls, one that brings life up rather than weigh life down. With deeper thought, suffering is a blessing, a trial to deem those who are worthy of their desires, a test to shake those with a fake purpose. But most importantly, a hidden call leading towards that which you are truly for. For when you have found what's worth suffering for, the value it holds becomes the discipline you pay, and its the path of suffering which once felt so bleak, that now holds great promise and new-found joy.

THOUGHT TWO
Purpose
The intrinsic, transformational force of nature, so essential yet so impervious to those who yearn it most; purpose is not something you simply decide, but something you allow, and to resist purpose is to rebel against yourself. Many go there entire life in the unknown, disconnected from purpose, willingly or not — tragic as it is, fulfilment and peace will never truly reach them... It may dangle in-front of them and grant them a taste of the haven, but never will it sit and stay. However, when you finally let purpose reveal itself, when you eventually stop chasing answers, and instead, listen to what's been whispering to you this entire time, then and only then, can you find peace. Not in the superficial goals marked by foreign value, not in the false necessities indoctrinated through life - but in the alignment of action and purpose.

THOUGHT THREE
Desire
Replace your needing wants, disregard your unintentional goals, and bring but one thing: desire. Take only a moment each day to enact on one of life's most valuable tasks: move naught, act without, do nothing. Let stillness envelop, let calmness settle, and let your breathe slow all... the way... down... If mediations are practised, wants are reduced, clarity is honed and desires are found; for wants and desires are not opposites, but varying degrees of oneself. In the same way that love and hate, hot and cold, wins and defeats are all just different extremities on the same scale, your wants and desires are the same but hold different understandings. Wants, the unmeditated delusion of need, desires, the peaceful revelation of what you truly want. So strive not toward what you seem to need, but for what you truly want, and with that, each step you take becomes unshakable, fuelled by the certainty of pure desire.

THOUGHT FOUR
Despair
Comes a time where despite our iron minds and fierce wills, we are met with an obstacle far too great, and far too overwhelming. The tragedy of death, the heartbreak of betrayal, the pain of desires dismissed, the misery of fostered negativity, the torment of injustice and, so on... But let me tell you this, warrior... No weathered soul, no good saint, no wise sage, no person worth their word, will ever call the beaten tears of a fighter, the choked sobs of a gunner, the needing heart of a solider, foolish. Never will they call a response to suffering rash. Perhaps unfortunate, perhaps misunderstood, but always considerate; for those who have gone through hell know better than to laugh at the devil's torture. For they know, that even in the face of disparity and suffering, you can always perceive and observe. For they know: you can always smile.

THOUGHT FIVE
Regret
There will always be a time where an event arises which beckons you frozen, to lose pace and derail. An event so important but cared for with such inadequate attention, resulting only in dissatisfaction. But when you look back, matured and wise, that very same inaction is no longer a fear but a reflection — a moment you see with clarity, and perhaps a moment you realise you should have acted. With this truth, regret seems inevitable... However, with deeper thought, we realise regret was all but forced, and simply a choice. A choice to act, a choice not to; and if you lacked the will to move when it mattered, why move now for what no longer does? What gives regret, a mere memory, more weight than the present you still hold? What is regret but an obstacle constructed by the mind? Instead, reflections upon life shouldn't halt life like you once did, they shouldn't sentence you to suffering, they shouldn't drown you in misery. Observations should grant lessons and gift wisdom. For there is only one difference between the wise and the broken: the choice. The choice to learn, or the choice to hate.

THOUGHT SIX
Peace
Revered yet terribly misunderstood, the present remains unattainable to most — yet unwittingly owned by all. True presence lacks all that is negative, fulfils all that is right, and harmonizes all that is impassioned; creating eternal peace in the now. For those who claim it disown all that is not; so chose all that it isn't or choose all that it is. But to be present is not simply enough, to break the temptation of sin you must do nothing but smile; for when we smile at the present — the one thing we truly own — how can we frown upon what what is not?

THOUGHT SEVEN
Change
The Law of Change... Embrace that nothing stays. Not your glory, nor your superficial achievements. Not your pride, nor your relationships. Not your pleasures nor your triumphs. And in the same light, neither will your broken heart; your aching muscles; your heavy shoulders; nor your crushing tasks remain burdened forever. In a life where nothing is permanent, the only thing we can take for granted is but the moment, loving the moment, loving yourself, and loving others. Then, and only then, will you edge closer to a life of peace.

THOUGHT EIGHT
Love
Love... A promise of heartbreak and joy, an inescapable journey we must all endeavour — with friends, with family; with places, with things, and most importantly with ourselves. In love, there are truly no winners, only those who lose, and those who lose gracefully; and that loss is not something to be avoided or feared. Beautiful, rare and painful, love unearths the deepest parts of someone, revealing colours not seen since innocence, and creating stunning or blinding sides of a person — whom we might have once taken simply for as they were. Losing to love is both the most naïve choice, and wisest decision, only difference is hindsight. For love is both.

THOUGHT NINE
Kindness
Compassion is a gift, it holds an invisible price yet pays tenfold, asks only for kindness yet gives love and hope in return; and for whomever receives, it is called a blessing.

THOUGHT TEN
Humility
There is only a single man who can rightfully claim the title of wisest — yet they never will. For with wisdom, comes humility. As to the sage's knowing, there is always an advance, there is always a lesson to be learned, there is always another layer to uncover, and to be arrogant is to hinder that growth. So we must all strive towards being wise in the mind, yet humoured in action, for only when we lament to the rules of humility can we find the peace in observation.

THOUGHT ELEVEN
Validation
Constantly in search, the yearn for validation runs you dry. For the gluttony of appreciation, and the self-degradation of outward praise bounds you to the inconsiderate. Under no condition is satisfying the ache for outside opinion, due to internal stress, an act of love. A guilty pleasure, affirm, a minor setback, correct, but an act of self-love? Never. The search for outside validation tells of a deficiency in self-love, and to look outward for love without love of your own is to be dependent — and dependence, that is corruption.

THOUGHT TWELVE
Accomplishment
The night I lie on my couch or my bed, with my wife in my arms, or with my solace in grip — with complete joy and peace, knowing there isn’t a task that needs to be done, yet having goals I want to pursue — that is the day I’ll know I’ve truly made it. And until that day, I will love the path toward it: the ups and downs, the suffering and the joy, the misery and the delight. For what is the rough path to desire, if not the test of its worth and the grit of your will?

THOUGHT THIRTEEN
Missing
"Missing," as in something which was once was part of a whole, is now not. It is a sensation of incomplete longing, and often a craving of that which made us once feel so whole. Or in other words, an addiction. For wholeness is crafted from within, and only when we are at peace and whole, can we introduce the variable of addition.

THOUGHT FOURTEEN
Happiness
Happiness, the misunderstood emotion of a steady smile. Deluded and misunderstood, happiness' benevolent nature remains tainted in the eyes of many - leaving only a select few with peace. Perceived as pleasure, interpreted as fleeting, happiness remains locked, a natural desire humbled to a judged want. But, I ask only three things from you, suspend your paradigm, consider this view, and breathe... For misery stays complicated, an entangled mess of carnage, useless suffering and stress, and if misery — sadness — is the opposite to happiness, then surely happiness is simple? With greater understanding, happiness becomes a quiet peace, devoid of miseries' noise, and instead, it is replaced with a smile you can't seem to suppress. Many never get to feel true happiness, most people think it's the peak of a rollercoaster — not the stillness after it; many are lost in the noise, and many are held back by all the friction, so they will question what it means to be happy. But when you are truly happy, when you have calm in the present, the answer becomes all so clear: happiness is peace.

THOUGHT FIFTEEN
Greed
You may age another decade, perhaps another century, you may even go so far as to age another millennia, but no amount of years will please the gluttony of greed. No mountain of gold, no garrison of ships, no assembly of pawns, no collection of cars, no search for material definitions will ever satisfy the thirst of greed. Cursing you to endless pursuit of filling what is a leaking, half empty, vessel, greed takes with the fake promise of return; for what is greed but an expedient for the inners you lack? And with a lack of the whole, with the need to rely outward to be complete, when will we ever find stability? Instead, forget the superficial cravings governed by absence, and do but two things: stop and look within. As to those who have mediated with nothing, crave nothing but presence, and those who have autogenetic luxuries, craving everything but presence. Or in other words, those who have nothing find peace, and those who have it all find suffering. However, this is not to say don't seek, this is not to say remove the want, this is to say replace your wants with calm desire, and seek only with action aligned purpose. For when you are connected to purpose, calmly aligned with desire; cravings dissipate, the need for validation depletes, and peace in the presence rises.

THOUGHT SIXTEEN
Perspective
You can only be as great as what your mind and body consume and perceive. So take not suffering in the stead of obstacle, but a test of grit. Take not misery in the result of tragedy, but a affirmation of will. Take not the crude comments of the unmeditated, but a reminder of how great you've become. Perceive with purpose. But also consume with goal. Waste not your time on fruitless activities, such as the gossip of friends, competition of insecure, or dawdling with immature, if it comes without its benefits to ones purpose. Do not misuse your energy on the pondering of unbeneficial philosophies or ridiculous scenarios unless it is your job to do so. Thus we must be accurate in what feed ourselves and choose to see, for our fuel and logs are our fire, but even so, no amount of perception can turn poison to fruit, so take caution in activity.

THOUGHT SEVENTEEN
Flow
Under the Law of Change, we realise the imminent need to travel chaos in peace. As an inevitability, you will lock eyes with a death, you will hold hands with despair, and you will traverse the seas of unpredictability. Even the greatest preachers, wisest monks, mightiest emperors, and fiercest pirates must stay malleable in the face of the tide; for the tide does not wait, it does not care, nor will it change course. It is you who shall wait, it is you who shall gift care for awareness, it is you who shall momentarily change your course, as to no true pirates surprise, the sea takes its waters where it wants, and ye be living in its depths. And when the pirate is dealt the temper of a storm... he grins, not 'cause he's mad, not 'cause he's crazy, but 'cause he knows it's part of the journey, part of the flow. To face the sea's relentless waves; cutthroat winds; brutal losses, and to say, "better still." To have the world on ones plate and to lick your lips, knowin' it's just all the more to feast on! That's the life of a pirate. That's the life of faith in the flow. The life of freedom, peace and understanding.

THOUGHT SEVENTEEN
Discipline
Desires locked, purpose out of reach, life stays dull and punishing - everything seems to always suffer... Because everything is always suffering. The loss of time, the expense of energy, the hardship of task, everything has a weight in the universal currency of suffering, but it is that very weight that grants your desires. However, for many and their unmeditated paradigm, suffering only buys misery, it only gifts them pain, it only accords defeat, but suffering isn't a life sentence, it is your bail. With discipline, we can paint our life anew, turning each suffering into gold, morphing each friction into gratitude, altering each tragedy to fuel, and then, and only then, can we turn the curse of pain into a blessing of ability. For we must be grateful. Be grateful we are able to chose the hard tasks, be grateful we are able to invest in ourselves, be grateful we are able to make the choice, for what is discipline but the highest form of self-love? What is discipline but a promise of aligned purpose and desire?

THOUGHT NINETEEN
Noise
Everywhere you may look, it surfaces, silently loud and outspokenly distracting, noise deceives you into uncomfortable content. As nature did not admit to the sounds of the modern, the noises it makes remain perverse, only recessing our mind to numbness. Thus, we must make a conscious effort to relieve our mind from clamour and our body from friction, and when we do so, the noise we muffle - the inner commotion we settle - only bring light to the peaceful purpose of silence.

THOUGHT TWENTY
Comparison
Blind, deaf and numb, the man without the knowledge of sense defines his own riches. But put a man who has lived 20 years with the luxury of sense into the same shoes, and you'll hear nothing but suffering from the only sense he has left. Because when we are ignorant of the other spectrum that we decide as pleasurable, the definitions shift and the perceived miserable becomes the new norm. It is only when we compare ones life with another, or with what we could have, that our own accomplishments and purpose seem too little and wasted. So reach not for the impossible ignorance to dismiss constant comparison, but for the very possible self-love and happiness. Be so in love with your actions and results, validate your own accomplishments with joy, compassionately compare to no one but yourself, and stay present. Once done, you can free yourself from the siphon of happiness that is outward comparison, and unlock new peace and compassion to oneself. For, comparison is nothing but the lack of confidence in the life you live, and if you lack confidence in the life you live, that's telling of the life you live and the mind you own.

Special thanks to my brother for striking this thought on a late night walk.

THOUGHT TWENTY ONE
Vulnerability
A man of strength and capability is not singular or opaque, nor is he inconsiderably in need. All men of power wear armour, whether it is actual, an army, or emotional, and it is that shield which must be mightier than life's negatives, but imperfectly permeable so that subtle benefits and love may shine through its cracks. For a city set with walls no one can pass is no fortress - its a tomb; and with no opening from a bridge, no man can trade and no man can feast. And in the same way, the articulations and gaps between armour plates are not the knight's weakness - but its genius; it is the flexibility and considered opening that allow it to advance. So whether your business is financial, intrapersonal, emotional or diplomatic, there must be educated vulnerabilities to ensure success, for a life without the acceptance of light is a but a self-assigned sarcophagus. Thus, for those who suffer loneliness, numbness, stagnation, or anything of the sort, perhaps it is not matter of selective absence, but a matter of closed bridges, and even closed bridges from yourself. So ensure you design your cracks and adopt an opening, as to no mans surprise, the queen can not strike if the pawn stands fixed.

THOUGH TWENTY TWO
Difference
At peace and alone, the woods remains the warrior's only company. Their days are spent in art, meditation, and swordsmanship, alongside the mandatory chores of chopping trees, and hunting for food. When spring blooms, the warrior picks nature's fruits, and when winter rolls, the warrior plants his vegetables. Their life can only be described as perfect peace and joyful flow. But, let me take you back to reality; let me take you back to the imperfect world of arduous, difficult to find beauty, where no one life can hold the same answer or question. We have all grown different lives, we have all developed different habits, we have all been provided with different values, and so, our mind has adapted so. What works for another, will not work for a person in lack or abundance, and it is only with this realisation can we understand and accept our shortcomings, for it is not always the fault of the immediate mind, but an underlying corruption from within. Learn to love that which you can not get with peace in your heart, and cherish that which you own with gratefulness in mind; learn to be abundant even when without, because the person who has it all will only receive more, but the person who has nothing will receive nothing and will have what little they own taken away. Thus, in the world of difference, in the reality of imperfection, and in the mind of self-love, we can analyse, we can adapt, and we can turn to philosophy to solve our problems. For we mustn't excuse but understand, then once in understanding, it is now a responsibility.

THOUGHT TWENTY THREE
Intimacy
Intimacy is either an ignorant opening or an educated advance, there is no middle ground - for the burned take time to heal before they decide to light up the path once again. In similar vows to vulnerability, intimacy challenges your strength and tests your bravery; and in order to allow yourself intimacy you must first be whole and self-sustained. Only then can you step into vulnerability and show your cards, trusting they wont strike or plot against you, and even if they do, you must be strong enough to withstand and to advance. This is why intimacy must be chosen from acumen, and even with our best judgement, acknowledge the risk of betrayal without dreading or worrying - but wisely loving and staying present. However, even with the risks, the desire for intimacy is prevalent and can not be ignored, so it is easy to jump straight to it - but what is an uncontrollable need for intimacy but a lack of intimacy from oneself? So look not outward, but within, seek self-love, then outward love, earn stability from yourself, then once you're strong enough, brave the investment of intimacy.

THOUGHT TWENTY FOUR
Helplessness
man, everyone who vented here js know i love yall. Seeing people struggle makes me want to support and care but the more i help others the more i realise i cant help no one. It really is all in your mind gang. The only difference between a successful person and a failure, the difference between the lonely and alone, the difference between the happy and sad, is what the person defines as success, loneliness and happiness. Can failure really be that bad if you atleast learn something from it? Can success ever be satisfied if you never appreciate what you already have? Can being alone be so bad if you love yourself? There are questions like this for maybe everything mental wise. I know my answers, i really hope you do too. And as contradicting as it sounds, I just hope you one day have the strength and vulnerability, to chose the answer of self love.

THOUGHT TWENTY FIVE
Articulation
It's come to my awareness, I love articulation. It's a hobby, a passion, something I can spend the whole day doing. Grabbing the intangible and grounding it empowers me. Planting some footing on thoughts and feelings that once felt so foreign liberates me. It feels like swimming. Validating your emotions and thoughts. Seeing them for what they are. Not judging, Just understanding. Just loving. I think articulation isn't just some way to sound intelligent — pretty sure it's a way of life. Unaddressed feelings suck, but sometimes it sucks not because nobody gets you - but because you don't get yourself. It's a common denominator across my friends and people I've seen suffering in hopelessness. Those who can't articulate, those who can't understand what's happening, tend to get lost; but those who can articulate, those who have an understanding, yes they still suffer, but they tend to realise the problem. And it's only once you've realised the problem can you begin to solve it. For articulation isn’t the cure — it’s the start.

THOUGHT SWENTY SIX
Integrity
There is a fine line between integrity cultivated from awareness, and integrity fabricated from ignorance. It is impossible to be integral to morals, paradigms and lifestyles that are not clear in the mind, but what is possible - what is easy - is to be integral to society and what they reward. But what is integrity for the sake of others, if not dishonesty to oneself? And if you are dishonest to yourself, you are dishonest to everyone. It is your choice if you want to be a liar, but someone who participates in events purely because they truly love them, find many things we all seek - joy, self-love and peace. So when no one is around, be integral, be true, not because guilt beckons you, but because self-love gently pushes you.

THOUGHT TWENTY SEVEN
Wants
You should only do what your purpose desires, and completely forget your wants, forged from yearn or seek. For when act from want, you please and meander endlessly, but when you act with your purpose and rid dreaded work, you live bountiful happiness and look forward to fulfilling passions. So do what you want, because that all you can do - just make sure you know exactly where you want is coming from.

THOUGHT TWENTY EIGHT
Freedom
There are many chains in our world, and no one is free from them. These chains stay heavy, dragging us down and away from freedom. Greed. Lust. Validation. Gluttony. Temper. Self-control. Overreliance. Social media. Money. As purpose-driven warriors, we should try our best to free ourselves from as much, if not all of these tainted chains. But we must be careful on the how we escape them, for there is no point freeing yourself from one, if in the process you become a slave to 3 others. If you are a slave to the path to freedom, are you ever free? If you are a slave to validation and greed to escape debt, are you free? Realise freedom is not a destination but a path you walk toward purpose, and you'll walk a little lighter, live a little more, and smile at obstacle. All because the chains you've chosen, aren't cursing, but fulfilling. The chains we choose must be the gravity that keeps our heart close to purpose, and nothing else. For, freedom isn’t the absence of chains - it’s the ability to choose which ones you keep

THOUGHT TWENTY NINE
Chooser
Reflect upon life's events; how each one held the weight of your choice, creative or destructive. All humans bare thoughts, desires, emotions, but above all: choice. Choose to see your obstacle as opposition and you'll meet resistance and foe, but chose to see test, and you'll be given motivation and target. Even in the face of enforced events, we have decision; grieve and moan for eternity, or greet yourself with understanding and passion, continuing your path of purpose. Likewise, it is under our control, as owner of our bodies, everything else humanly; that be our love, how much we grow, time spent in peace, acceptance of help, and so on. The decision of creation may appear difficult, however, that is just telling of how much destruction you may have chosen, but know despite that - choice is still yours. Thus, in all of our days, empowered by self-love, we should strive to keep choice under our control, but more importantly, strive to keep choice creative.

THOUGHT THIRTY
Safety
Oh such impudence in this world we live and die in. I hold no insecure ego or hate, only standard and respect. However, the markings of ignorance, the avoidance of peace, and the refusal of self-love, all shine clearly in common-speak. Better to rid them from your precious bubble, that is your Emotional Child's input, than to communicate a trade of emotion, that is your Emotional Child's heart. Never blink at their folly, never take their word in heart, and never factualize their success as nothing but momentary pleasure. Share your words, wisdom and lessons! Give them advice and follow your passion if your purpose is to help them! But never share your most prized treasure that is your Emotional Child's safety, in the hands of those who can not even care for themselves!

THOUGHT THIRTY ONE
Nurture
If there lied only one problem I advise anyone to fix, it wouldn't be the frantic making-ups of a symptom. Instead, it would be calm, constant nurturing of the cause. Once distractions and negativity are in removal, what needs be done is the reassurance they stay far, and healing the damage they have delt. Both can be done simultaneously. Constantly remind yourself of these things: the utter respect you have for yourself; the refusal to partake in activities that make life worse; the never-ending love you hold for yourself; the infinite progress you make despite set-backs and challenges; the present moment being the only thing you truly own; purpose being the only path that gifts you happiness, love, peace, fulfilment, meaning, joy, acceptance, and all other positives of life. With this, you heal and secure the cause of problems, not the never-ending surplus of symptoms.

THOUGHT THIRTY TWO
Distraction
There will always come a time, whether today, tomorrow, or next year, where life offers you the option of momentary ease; promising satisfaction, happiness and peace, whilst only trailing you toward distraction, again and again. Realise now, that these precious moments are not ones you dread or succumb to, but moments to look forward to; as what is choosing purpose rather than distraction, anything but affirmation that your goal is that which you love? Moments of temptation are set far aside when you look at them with clarity, seeing nothing but your purpose withdrawing, agony of regret, and hollowness of the lost; then looking at the path of discipline, seeing nothing but your worthiness rising, peace radiating, and happiness overflowing. Then, and only then, can you realise that simply taking one choice, can make you love yourself so much more.

THOUGHT THIRTY THREE
Loving
I give affection and gift love to others because I love myself, any other reason is due to lack and foolishness. With self-respect and a need to guard what is most important to purpose - The Emotional Child - only a select few are allowed within a person of awareness. For they know: you must be kind to yourself, you must have love for yourself, and you must seek only the best for yourself. Thus, letting only those who are analysed and judged with objectivity, to hold only benefit toward purpose, affect the subconscious. These select few are purview to their ultimate kindness, limited energy, and unshielded - yet still guarded - love. Everyone else either avoided, or given states of investment much smaller. People of awareness do this not because they are weak, not because they are empty, but because they have clear view of purpose, and because they are whole even before it. They do not fear reject, or failure to achieve a level of loving deeper than the one they show, so, instead of depravity, they choose affection and love, not because they are in need, but because they don't need it at all.

THOUGHT THIRTY FOUR
Success
When you are winning, remember there are reason you are winning. Reasons that are in your control, and reasons that are not. In your winnings, all you can do is to control your addition to success; never claim success was your complete capacity or authority; and stay grateful for the weather of luck. Never, when you have climbed success, sit on the same old chair when you hold greater weights; and never mistake a moment of ease, for a moment inviting disservice toward yourself. For you will fall. So when you are winning remember just once thing: there are reasons I am winning, and if I forget them, there will be reasons I am losing.