A Lesson Most See As Failure

Today was a lesson.

Today I didn't follow my healthy lifestyle.

No walks. No meditations. No breathwork. No sun. Nothing.

Just mental fog.

I ate well-ish, just the main meals of breakfast and dinner. But no healthy snacks and mini meals.

But apart from that, nothing else was healthy.

I stayed up till 12am last night working, so my body woke up at 11am.

And when I woke up I made a mistake. I didn't go for a walk like I usually do, nor did I do my facial exercises, I just had breakfast and decided to get back to work.

And yeah, I got some work done, and I felt productive to start with... but looking back I realise that my mind was unclear and my work was inefficient.

I started listening to music early on in the day to try get more work done, but that didn't work either.

I just kept solving the symptoms of today instead of curing the cause.

But to be honest, even with all this failure, I think it's alright.

I expected a day like this to come, so I don't feel too bad about it. In fact, I don't think I feel bad at all.

Because I reckoned I might as well get a night walk so I can sleep better. But during that walk everything cleared up, and I realised all the lessons of the day:

🏆LESSONS OF THE DAY🏆

• Walks are king
  Should've known before but honestly I'll spam these because they are broken. Nah but seriously, walks get me closer to purpose and clear my head
• Meditations and breathe-work are goated
  I become so much more peace when I meditate and breathe intentionally
• Sun is idk, something above king. Sun is sun 🔥
  Absolutely broken feature, game is unbalanced. But deadass, I knew sun balanced hormones and regulated mood but I guess you only know the true value of something when you lose it.

Anyways, I wanted to say something I couldn't earlier today because articulation was hard and mind was foggy.

I stumbled upon a post online talking about consistency.

The poster talks about resetting everything after one mess-up or failure. Having a specific day to restart and having no progress made in over a month.

I honestly relate.

Well I used to.

I've spent a lot of time alone.
Home-schooled.
Limited human interaction.
And apart from my family, the internet was my only source of comparison.

I fell deep into the toxic positivity space. I shut off emotions, and bought the lie that money buys you freedom/happiness.

So, stuck with myself. Stuck with my inner-thoughts. My young, cruel and unexperienced inner thoughts, I thought to myself: "welp, I need money, I don't want to be a corporate slave. I need to work, I need to do it now, or I am a pathetic slave."

Because that's what internet showed me. The lies, highlights and successes of people on the internet, were the only things I compared to my lowest moments. Further engraining into my mind that I need to get better - and quick.

I focused hard on making money. I didn't want to become a slave. I didn't want to live an awful life.

But despite spending all that time and effort trying to make money, I didn't get anywhere. I didn't "free" myself from finance.

But you know what?

Even if I had broken the chains of money, even if I had made some money, even if I would of prevented becoming a slave to money, I would have been enslaved to many more.

Comparison, greed, validation, pleasure and so on. That's the path I was walking and the path I was living. My crippling comparison towards online figures, was my only fuel for success - guilt was my motivator.

And what's freedom from money, if you're going to enslave yourself to much more?

I think freedom from money is important, but not if you're going to lock yourself up somewhere else. However, that's besides the point. What I am trying to explain is why I didn't get anywhere.

I didn't get anywhere, I didn't free myself, because in reality I was locking myself up. I had super high bars I wanted to meet, but when I didn't reach them I would beat myself up. I would reset, restart and stress over it all.

I literally couldn't get anywhere because my expectations were too heavy. My routine was too strict. But most importantly, the biggest reason I couldn't get anywhere was because I lacked self-love.

I didn't act with patience and understanding when I made a mistake. I didn't act with grace and compassion when I slipped up. And that's what sealed the deal - that's what made sure every mistake I made was a mistake and not a lesson.

But if you are able to act with grace, patience, understanding and compassion, if you are able to act with self-love, you can get pretty much anywhere you want.

Because mistakes aren't mistakes when you can see the lessons behind them.
And today, I think was a perfect example.

Thank you for reading,
Love yourself,
Seb